⁴ So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
⁵ I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
⁶ I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.

Psalm 143

 

I have been struggling a lot lately with a multitude of emotions.  Some days have been not so bad but other days have been a battle.  One day is just blah and the next on the brink of tears.  It truly feels like a battle raging within my mind and I am riding a roller coaster that won't stop.  I just feel like running and hiding; away from everything.  I have a longing to go into God's wilderness and just sit in the peace of His creation and lay whatever this is at His feet! 

 

I am making plans to do just that soon but until then I am CHOOSING today to make the best of this roller coaster ride.   I had been keeping up with the Joy Dare but have slacked off, so today I CHOOSE to start it again.  I read the above Psalm and these verses describe my spirit and what I need to do to fight my enemies.  I am choosing to "meditate on all" God's works. 

 

 

So here is my plan.....beginning today I am going to keep up with my gift counting and post a picture to instagram of something I am thankful for each day.  Counting my blessings and gifts can only do me good! 

 

Lord God, I choose you today.  I choose to bow down at your feet.  Lord you know my spirit is faint.  I trust you and know full well what you have already done for me. Today I choose to meditate on your works.  In Jesus name...Amen.  

 

 

 

 

 

Stepping out in faith!!

Our womens' ministry put together a Womens' Fall Retreat a couple of weekends ago.  This was our second year and I must say it was great!  While our attendance was less than last year I know God had the women He wanted there in attendance.  I was witness to some amazing things that weekend. 

That Friday night right before we began, our planning committee gathered together along with our guest speaker in a circle to cover the evening in prayer.  Heartfelt prayers were laid at the feet of Jesus and there was no denying God was in our midst.  We began our evening with snacks and fellowship and then our guest speaker took over.  Her name is Melody Griffin and she is an amazing singer, speaker and mother.  Her testimony was very moving.  Most of her testimony was on her family's choice to give life to her special needs son.  He is now 18 and he came on stage with her that night during a song she wrote about him.  Not a dry eye in the room! 

While I absolutely loved Melody, there was another story playing out in front of my eyes.  A very special lady had prayed for a particular person to come that night and God answered her prayer.  Those of us that were aware of the prayer could do nothing but let the tears flow.  When I noticed her walk in we were singing and all I could do was cry and praise my Heavenly Father.  I was so moved by God's love that night; just in awe of answered prayers and tears of joy.  I can only imagine how this special lady must have felt.  It was a beautiful thing and I thank God for allowing me to be a part of it.

Of course we left that night pumped and ready for the next day.  The next morning the ladies on the committee received a text around 5am that our main organization queen had gotten sick and was at the emergency room.  Not at all what we wanted to hear but we all arrived and began to pull things together for the day.  Of course most of it had already been done the night before so it wasn't too hard.  That was the easy part.  The hard part????  Well this is where I was stepping out in faith!  Months earlier we had been throwing out names of ladies in the church to teach certain classes.  We picked a wonderful person to ask about teaching the class on marriage.  Then we had to come up with a back up in case she was not able.  Well I had felt God nudging me over the past year or so step up and volunteer to teach about marriage.  Of course I let my fear and doubt squash that idea real quick. 
That was at least until we were discussing the back up person and I volunteered to teach the class if the other lady could not.  I think in the back of my mind I was saying, "she will do it and I won't have to".  Well God doesn't always do what we want, He has His own plans.  The other lady could not teach the class because she had too many things going on at the time. "Oh no....now I have to teach a class on marriage??"  God said YES!

And the battle begins.....
"God there are far better choices than me!"  "What if they laugh at me or don't think I have enough experience or knowledge?"  "What if they don't like my testimony or what I have to say?"
So many negative thoughts pounding my brain....satan of course throwing his two cents into the mix.  I had to make the choice to follow God.  He had lead me to this place for a reason and I have to trust Him completely.  I have to rest in the knowledge of who my God is and what He had done for me in marriage.  He had given me the wake up call I needed before I lost my husband.  He had walked with me as I began to change into the wife He had called me to be.  He would most definately give me the words of wisdom He wanted shared with the women in the group.  And so I prepared for the class with the help of a very beautiful Godly mentor and the love and encouragement of my husband and friends.

So there I was on Saturday morning looking at these beautiful women, many I have admired for years.  I gave it to God, stepped out on faith and taught the class.  While I was nervous but God had given me a peace.  A peace that He had it all taken care of I just needed to trust Him.  I made it through all three sessions.  I did get some immediate feedback from some of the women, they were so kind and loving.  Of course I go home that afternoon and the thoughts of "I should have said this" "Oh I forgot to say that"....and on and on.  I just kept praying each time a thought would come.  I CHOSE to take each thought captive as God tells us.  In the days and weeks since the retreat God has shown me through different women that HE did use me to impact the lives and marriages of the women that came that day.  He had a plan and I am humble and grateful that He chose me to use and gave me the courage to step out in faith.  A once lost and broken woman, now found and healing, being used to reach others for Christ! 

"God does not call the qualified; He qualifies the called!"  Barlow Girl

Genesis 50:20 "you intended to harm me, BUT GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..."

Sunday a week ago was a very hard morning for me at church.  It was my week to sing and I was so excited to be singing.  I was given the opportunity to sing a solo verse as well. Now I don't do those very often so of course I was nervous.  The past couple I have done have gone well so my confidence was (or so I thought) a little better.  I battled in my mind....."I can't do this.....here God you have to do this.....I can't do this......God please help me.....I can't do this.......God please let your voice come out!"

The first service was ok, not great but I managed to get it out.  I could hear the nerves when I sang and the battle in my mind began again.  This battle raged through the break between services and into second service sermon.  We take our places and once again I am back and forth in my mind with God.  I start to sing and it is definitely not the sound I want to come out. I tell myself "keep going...just keep going...you can cry later".  I make it through the verse, of course I am horrified and beet red!  I just want to run and hide but I can't because we have two more songs to sing. As soon as the service is concluded I make a run for the door so I can get home and have my own little pity party.  My sweet beautiful daughter hugs me and pats me on the back and tells me it's ok, oh how sweet and full of wisdom that girl.  I get home and call my husband and ball my eyes out.  So many thoughts going through my mind.  I let the team down.  I let the worship pastor down.  I let myself down.  I let God down.  I think it is time to quit singing.  I allowed satan and sin to overcome me that day. 

Like the verse above...my God had a big "BUT" for satan over the next few days.  As my friend likes to say, I had to look for the golden nuggets God leaves us.  He was doing just that and showing me that He was with me the whole time and while satan meant for this to make me quit God used it to show me He is bigger!  He has not called me to quit but to trust Him more. 

Here are my golden nuggets from God in the following days:
1. encouragement from my daughter who also loves to sing

2. my husband reminding me that God calls us to make a "joyful noise"

3. a beautiful thank you from a friend for sharing my gift of singing (she was in the 1st service but oh how I needed to hear those words)

4. a different reaction from my worship pastor than I expected....(I don't know why we put our expectations on others, it's really not fair to them)

5. the most beautiful words of encouragement from a great friend that also sang that day, she also reminded me of the "joyful noise" God calls for   (I read her email at work and had a hard time fighting back the tears)

While satan meant to tear me down the Almighty God had bigger plans and turned it into good! I so love that about our God.  He knows exactly what we need and when we need it.  He's growing me for bigger and better things.

Most Gracious and Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing me to go through battles.  While they are hard at the time I know full well you will use them for good.  I thank you Lord for the golden nuggets you leave through amazing family and friends.  Each person you have placed in my life for a reason and I thank you for that.  Lord God please forgive me for doubting you and giving into the sin of worry.  I give you praise for working in my life.  In your son's name AMEN!

"I sing because I'm happy and I sing because I am free.  His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me"

Almost missed God's message

OK, so this past Sunday I must confess I almost skipped church.  My husband was going to work, heat was again expected to be well over 100 degrees and the thought of sleeping in sounded great.  So I did want most mothers would do, well ok maybe not but I asked my daughter if she wanted to stay home.  She debated a minute or two and then said....I want to go to church!  I must say I was proud of her for making the decision that I chose not to.  So we got ready and went to church, early service of course so we could get back home before it got too hot. 

If you have read some of my previous posts then you already know how I struggle with anxiety, worry and people pleasing.  God has been working really hard trying to get His message into my heart.  I have it in my head I just can't for some reason make the connection with my heart.  Or maybe vice versa, either way I still struggle with these issues.  Well that mornings message was "DON'T WORRY"!  One thing that really hit me was "Worry is the opposite of Worship!" Ouch!!  It got me to thinking...how can I sincerely worship my Savior if I am constantly worrying about stuff.  It seems weird but I don't worry about the BIG stuff....death, my health, my salvation. No I worry about the little things....the what ifs in life.  What if I don't help this person? Will they dislike me or be mad at me?  What if I say something that offends or hurts someone...will they still like me or be mad at me?  What if I do something that is "unchristian", will they think less of me?  What if I have messed up raising my kids?  Have I done everything I could to turn them to Jesus?  I worry about things that may never come to pass.  I worry too much about what others things about me.  I worry too much about pleasing everyone else and don't focus enough on pleasing the one person that matters above all else....God! 

By allowing the worries to control my mind, I am blocking myself from true, in His presence worship.  I'm not fully trusting God with my life.  I am taking back the control that belongs to the Almighty Father.  He knows far better than I do what I need in my life.  I think of the words from a Jamie Grace song..."Your hand is on my tomorrow".   As part of the service we had rocks that represented our worries.  We prayed to God and then laid the rocks and our worries at the foot of the cross.  So once again I have laid down my worries at the feet of Jesus!  I am allowing Him to control my today and tomorrow! 

Now to think...I almost missed a message that I needed because I wanted to be lazy and make excuses.  I'm so glad my daughter chose church.  I'm so glad I went because I needed to hear from God that morning.  Not only that, Monday morning one of my email devotions was on the same thing.  It was God's way of reinforcing His message.  I truly love the way God works!

Heavenly Father~I come to you now and praise your holy name for never giving up on me.  I confess Father that I have taken back my worries, the ones laid at your feet before and the new ones I have collected. I pray for your forgiveness for doubting you and allowing worries to keep me from your presence.  Lord God you know exactly what I need AND what I want but must of all you know Your plan for my life and I am choosing to trust you!  In Jesus name! Amen.


Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

God Delights, Rejoices, Sings....Over me?

I get daily devotions from Girlfriends in God.  Each day is a different writer and today's writer was Gwen Smith and this verse was the one she elaborated on in her devotion.  If you get a chance please read .    http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/2012/longing-to-be-loved/

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

I have tried to text a daily bible verse to my family.  It has apparently become something they all look forward to.  My daughter decided to do it one day for the family...which was an amazing surprise!  Not just because she did it but also because of the verse she chose on her own (I was at work). Matthew 5:37 where it talks about turning the other cheek when someone hurts you.  I was a proud mommy.  So the next day I had asked if she wanted to do it again and she said yes, well she forgot and no verse was sent out.  Well again to my surprise this time my husband told me I forgot to do the verse!  Really??  I looked at it as God reminding me to take the time to be with Him and reassuring me that it was not only for me but also for my family. 

So today, I was thinking about what verse would be a good and started reading my email devotions. Gwen Smith's was the first one I read and as soon as I read the opening verse I knew instantly it was the verse to send out.  So I did, even before reading the rest of the devotion that Gwen wrote I started thinking:  His words says "He will take great delight in you",  my God delights in me?  His word says "He will rejoice over you with singing", my God rejoices with singing over me?  The lady that struggles daily with anxiety, with feeling like I have to please others and with self doubt?  The lady with a sinful past? The lady that falls short of His glory daily or even hourly?  The answer is YES!!! He loves me unconditionally! He loves all of us unconditionally, so much so He placed His son on the cross in our place so we could live with Him in Heaven.  So that we could stand in His presence holy and without shame.  What an amazing God we have! I thank God for providing just the right words to me at just the right time.  But then again isn't that how God works.  He knows us even better than we know ourselves and knows exactly what we need. 

He also must have known someone else in my family needed those words at that very moment.  My husband sent me back a text thanking me for the sending the verse and saying he "needed that".  He was dealing with an insurance company at that very moment. Oh how God makes me smile in His work.  My prayer for my family is that we all remember how precious we are to God and how much he loves us.  For me, because I love singing so much, to know God sings over me brings such amazing peace.  My prayer for you if you are reading this, is that YOU will know just how loved you are by the Mighty King.  He delights in you, He rejoices and sings over you!  You are not forgotten. You are not alone. You are not unloved. You belong to the King of Heaven. He brought you to this blog for these very words.  Please allow them to bring peace to your heart.

http://www.timewarpwife.com/





I have linked up with Time Warp Wife....Check it out!

Blogs....Blogging.....Blogger???

I love reading blogs!  I have found so many great Godly women that lay their lives and hearts out for God.  They reach out to women in so many ways being true and honest about real life.  I've done the whole myspace, facebook and twitter fads but I never saw the true love of God in any of those.  Sure there were prayer requests, some hard things shared and some connections made on those social networks but not like the blogs I follow.  There is no "drama"; just real women being real about life and the struggles we face.  They don't have all the answers to life's problems but they point you to the One who does.  They encourage women in their walks with God, encouragement to lean on Him and to grown in Him.

I've learn so many great things that I have been able to do with my family from some of these women.  One of my favorite things (which I have been able to do now for two weeks) is to text my kids and husband a daily bible verse.  I thought at first I would get some resistance from them when I mentioned it but they didn't seem to mind the idea.  So the next day I started.  Wow!!!  I got back "I like that one" and "my girlfriend likes that one" from my son; my daughter would send me back..."I memorized that one" or "I know that one".  It's been great!  I have also noticed that it has made me more committed to my quiet time with God.  I know I have to find a verse and that puts me right in the middle of His word!   I would have never found that idea had I not followed blogs. 

So....now my question to myself has been..."am I a blogger?"  ....."could I possibly do that?"

Answer.....I'm going to try!   My prayer is that God will work through me, even if it is to only touch one person's life. 

Below are some great blogs that I love to follow....I encourage you to read some of them and allow God to work through them to touch your heart as He has mine.  There are many more, these are just few. 

www.aholyexperience.com
http://www.29lincolnavenue.com/
www.chattingatthesky.com
www.goodmorninggirls.org
http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/
http://www.terilynneu.com/
http://womenlivingwell.org/

"Be still and know I am God" Psalm 46:10

My "Still" lunch date with God

A cool clear beautiful day!  Not a cloud in the sky, just the bright shining sun.  Lord how I love to sit out here soaking up the sun, listening to the birds sing and kids playing in the distance.  Leaves dancing across the pavement with the wind.  The sound of trains, planes and cars in the back ground.  I wonder Lord how many of them traveling know You?  How many of us miss these moments? 

Moments to sit and be still and take in your glory.  As I sit her I am enjoying the peace.  The peace of not being rushed.  The peace of taking in the beauty of Your creation.  The shades of green in the trees, bushes and grass.  The beautiful song of many different kinds of birds singing at the same time, each their own unique call coming together as one.  I look up and see two black birds on the electric pole.  Their feathers shining a beautiful shine in the sunlight.  Now the wind is picking up and I feel the breeze on my face.  My hair being tussled about.  The sound of the leaves in the trees and bushes being to make their own song.  I look up and I see the American flag flying in the wind.  A sense of pride wells up and I think of how blessed am I that I can sit still in the chaos of a work day at lunch read my bible, pray to my God and rejoice openly in Your beauty. 

Oh Lord, I praise your name.  Lord I pray you would lean your ear and be attentive to your humble servant as I say thank you.  All praise, glory and honor are yours and yours alone!

Giving it to God

 ²² Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.^{[b] 23} For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. ²⁴ For,
   “All people are like grass,
   and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
 ²⁵ but the word of the Lord endures forever.”^[c]
   And this is the word that was preached to you.   1 Peter 1: 22-25 NIV

I have struggled many years with my past.  I have given it to God so many times.  Many of you may have done this also....you go to a christian conference, special church service, or just a regular church service around Easter.  You hear the truth about how your sins are forgiven and God remembers them no more.  You give God the guilt and shame in that moment only to take it back a short time later.  Then you walk around with the guilt and shame on your shoulders weighing you down until the next time you decide to give it to God.  It's a cycle that Satan likes to keep us in.  I have been attending church now for 17 years, I keep thinking to myself this should not be a problem for me.  I KNOW Jesus died for my sins.....I KNOW his blood was shed for me.....I KNOW I am washed white as snow!!!  I know all of this but is it in my head and just not made it to my heart?  I have struggled  for years as I'm sure many of you have done as well.

I can confidently say today the message has made it to my heart!!! There is hope!  I recently attended an Extraordinary Women's Conference and let me tell you....God moved in a huge way in my life.  Before I get to the conference I do have to say that God had been nudging me on something from my past.  He has been encouraging me to share my testimony of my past.  Well Satan decided to jump in there and throw his two cents in.  So I negotiated with God..."not now, we have too much going on"...."I can't talk to my husband about this, he has enough stress in his life and I don't want to add to it".  I managed to squash it down, like we do when we really don't want to do it.  So I go to this conference and the first speaker is a man named Joe White. Within about 30 minutes of him speaking I was crying and God was speaking directly to me through this man!  At the end of his session he reminded us that our sins where taken on by Christ and if we chain ourselves to Christ we are forgiven.  We are purified in Christ!  He asked us to write whatever our burden was on a piece of paper and walk it up to the front and finally give it to God.  While I didn't walk my piece of paper up to the stage to be nailed on that cross, I did give it to God.  I turned it all over to Him.  I completely understood in my heart that Christ died for me.  Every sin I commit, past, present and future were nailed to the cross.  Christ took upon himself that day, my sin, my shame, my guilt, my past!  He willingly took it so that I could be forgiven by the Almighty God!  He loves me so much he shed his blood and had his body broken so that I could live in Heaven spotless and blameless!  I gave it all to God that day and I can't even express the peace I have now.  I don't know if I will take it back from God, I am hoping that I don't but even if I do....I know God will continue to love me and forgive me.  He will cover me with His grace and mercy daily.  Now as far as my testimony....well God is still working on that with me.  I have made progress and I am excited to see what He has planned for me. 


“My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.” Psalm 62:7 NIV

Cades Cove, TN



Creek view





water wheel at the mill



Hymnal in the baptist church



Water for the mill

These are some of the pictures taken in Tennessee.

 

Moss on top of a building

 

Cross on the floor of an old baptist church in Cades Cove (picture taken by my daughter)

 

water falling down the side of the mountain



My attempt at being a professional photographer!  (not too bad)



sun shining through the trees



Wow, it's been a while since I have written anything...life has been busy. 

The family and I did have the opportunity to spend a few days in the mountains of Tennessee.  The mountains have to be our families most favorite place to spend our time.  It is beautiful and you truly get to see God's glory.  I'm not sure what it is, whether it's just a chance to slow down and actually notice God's beauty or if it is just the one place we all feel close to God.  I'm guessing a little of both.  It is time for us to slow down, not worry about phones, work, school, computers, busyness...just us as a family riding and walking in the mountains.  We spent a whole day riding in the National Forest and in Cades Cove, TN.  It was a very relaxing time for all of us.  The cabin was amazing...not only was it beautiful and peaceful but it was also filled with God.  The owners of the cabin were great to deal with and you could feel their love for God in the cabin.  It was wonderful!  I woke each morning to the glorious picture of the mountainside covered with trees, birds singing and the sun shining bright.  Two mornings we also woke quite early, 3:30am, to the most gorgeous moon shining into our window like a spotlight.  We also had a cute little visitor who greeted us as soon as we got there.  It was a raccoon, who some past visitors had named "Doritos".  He was cute....as long as he stayed outside!


Beautiful!!    Cades Cove, TN 


We went up there for my daughter's cheerleading competition (just a side note of how good God is....the owner of the cabin was also a cheerleader...how cool is that).  It also happened to be her birthday.  So for her birthday, her dad and brother sat ALL day with us Saturday watching cheerleading.  It was great, of course they would have much rather been in the woods but Allie loved having them both there.   The best part of the day for me was watching her on the cheer stage and nail ALL of her tumbling and when she came off the stage she was beaming...."I did it mama!!"  I was one proud mom and thanking God for building her confidence!  My girl landed, among other things, her running round-off, back-handspring, tuck BOTH days!!! I knew she could all along but she needed to know she could and God answered our prayers! It was beautiful!!


We had a great time and can't wait to go back.  I will try to upload some more pictures from our trip.  If you have never been to Cades Cove, TN I encourage you to go, it is amazing!

Forever Reign..

I have a tendency to get stuck on a particular song and I can just sing it over and over and over, so much so it would probably drive anyone else crazy.  For the past two months the song is Forever Reign.  I first heard this song at church, then listened to it on YouTube by Hillsong, then had the opportunity to sing it at church and if that weren't enough I got a Newboys CD from my son and wouldn't you know it, that song was on it.  I am a firm believer that God knows us so intimately He knows how to speak to us in a way only He can.  So I have been meditating on this song for a while and each time I sing it I come back with another gift from God.  So today I would like to share how God has spoken to me through this song. 

"You are good, You are good when there's nothing good in me"  Even on my worst days God is still good and shows me grace and mercy.

"You are love, You are love on display for all to see"    God's love is on display each day through our actions, the actions of others, the majesty of His creation.

"You are light, You are light when the darkness closes in"    Even on my darkest days of anxiety, shame and worry it is His light that shines bright.  A reminder of forgiveness and love.

"You are hope, You are hope You have covered all my sin"   The blood of Jesus has covered ALL my sin....and I can have the hope His blood will continue to cover my sin.

"You are peace, You are peace when my fear is crippling"    This line especially helped me sing this verse solo in church with the confidence that God would touch someones heart through me. I need not fear b/c His touch is perfect even when I am not.

"You are true, You are true even in my wandering"  As I tend to wander like a lost sheep, His word is true and will be there to guide me back into His loving arms.

"You are joy, You are joy You're the reason that I sing"  He is the reason that I sing!  I find pure joy in singing the praises of God.  It is our communication!

"You are life, You are life in You death has lost it's sting"  As I grow closer to God death does lose it's sting.  This particular line sings out today because I have seen a lot of death this year.  A boy my son had class with was killed by a car Saturday.  So many similarities between this young man I did not know and my son: age, looks, and a heart for helping others.  I wonder...would I be able to stand on the faith I have built with God if my son or daughter were taken before I am ready.  I know God has a plan and His ways are far greater than mine and all I can do is have faith in the Mighty God.

"Oh I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms.  The riches of Your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. Light of the World Forever Reign!"   Oh how I am running to Him.  I long more and more each day to be in the embrace of Jesus.  In my time of praise and worship I imagine His loving arms wrapping around me, oh what a sweet embrace!

"You are more You are more than my words will ever say"   God is so much more than any words could ever say.

"You are Lord You are Lord all creation will proclaim"  Oh what a day it will be to see ALL of creation proclaiming Jesus as Lord as the same time. 

"You are here You are here in Your presence I'm made whole"  Brokenness, fear, anxiety, shame, sin, weakness.....NOT in the presence of my LORD!!!  HE makes me whole. I am made whole and new!

"You are God You are God of all else I'm letting go!"  This lines says it all...He is God and we need to let go of all else.  I've heard this before but it rings true with this line....."Just let go and let God!"

"my heart will sing no other name Jesus, Jesus"   My heart will sing no other name.....Jesus is my Savior, my Redeemer, my Healer, my Strength, my Love.

I cherish the way God speaks to me, it works for me and He knows that very well.  I still spend time in the Word but this is also another way He speaks to me. I encourage you to listen for God's special way of speaking to you.  It may be through songs, poems, words of encouragement from others or helping others. Maybe you are one that loves to read His word straight from the bible and can spend hours doing so; whatever it is that brings you closer to God and into His presence that is where you will find His sweet embrace. 

http://www.onethousandgifts.com/

My BIRTH day!

Well today is my birthday and I must say it has not gone quite as I had hoped (I hurt my knee leaving for work this morning...and it still hurts!)  but just the same I find joy in knowing today is the day God chose to bring me into this world many years ago.  I find joy in knowing he chose me even before creation! Ephesians 1:4 "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight." (emphasis mine)  I think how amazing it is that He took the time to pick each and every person that has come into my life.  I think about my family and giggle because ONLY God could have put my family together.  I tend to get picked on a little and definitely get some funny looks when I have to explain my family dynamics.  I have a blood relatives, step relatives, technically used to be step relatives but we still claim to be step relatives and "adopted" relatives. I'm sure if I actually tried to draw a family tree it would be a huge tree!  Each one of them have been a huge blessing in my life, they have changed me and formed me into the woman of God I am today.  I am just in awe of God's love and sense of humor! 

Lord I sing your praise for you are an amazing God.  You know each and every person coming in and out of my life.  Each one with a different reason for being there.  Each one to touch me or to be touched by me leaving Your fingerprints.  Lord I thank you for each relative, friend and passer-by in my life~past, present and future.  I thank you for choosing me even before creation! In Christ Jesus...Amen.

I'm listening, I'm seeing, I'm learning...

This weekend I have had a the much needed opportunity to take some time to just slow down and relax.  Time to listen and watch for God's answers to my prayers.  I got to enjoy dinner with my husband and an amazing thing happened between us that only God could do.  I stepped out on faith following a nudge from God and as soon as I did my husband looked at me with a funny look.  Of course I questioned his look and he said "I was thinking about doing that very same thing!"  In that very moment I knew God was nudging not only me but also my husband. It was a simple gesture but obviously important to God and to those who were touched by it. 

Then Saturday morning I was able to get up and spend a couple of hours alone with God.  I read and prayed and looked at a couple of blogs.  I came across one that spoke volumes to me.(lovingthislife1.blogspot.com)  It was as if the beautiful woman that had written it was speaking for me.  Word after word I felt a sense of relief and thanksgiving that I apparently am not alone in my struggle with worry, anxiety and fears.  God was using her to speak to me and letting me know I am not in this alone.  Not only is He walking with me every step but he is also leading me to places that will help me in my walk.  I read more of the book "one thousand gifts" by Ann Voskamp and again I feel as if what I have been feeling I can finally see in words.  So much I could not explain, just these feelings I had little control over.  Encouragement came in through their words. Encouragement only God the Father could bring.

I came across Ephesians 5:20 "and give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" and wrote it in my journal.  Then this morning I was checking my emails and came across the update for Good Morning Girls.  (www.goodmorninggirls.org)  They are starting a bible study on Ephesians.  I thought, OK that sounds great I'm going to do it.  I sat down to read the first day's scripture and when I opened my journal I saw where I had written Ephesians 5:20.  I just smiled because I knew that was God's way of confirming this is where He wants me in the bible.  Just reading the first days scripture was reassuring, comforting and peaceful.  I just love the way God works.  What an amazing and awesome God we serve. 

Am I listening???

Phil 4:6  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

I have been dealing with anxiety for while now, some days are better than others but it has been a constant "invisible" tag-along.  I've looked up scripture about it, read books about it, talked about it and prayed about it.  The past few months I have had a very heavy heart and felt as though I need to change some things in my life.  I have felt like God is wanting me to make some changes but never could figure out what it was He wanted.  I mentioned in an email to a friend I had been in prayer about what God wanted for me and as I typed those words I realized the problem wasn't that God wasn't answering my prayers~I wasn't stopping long enough to listen for His answer!  Since then I have been trying to make myself be still and listen for God's answer.  Well as a working mother and wife my "still" time is not always very long.  This morning as I prayed in the shower God helped me realize my prayers were mostly focused inward on myself.  I'm not saying I am not supposed to pray for myself, I definitely am, but God showed me as I pray  for others my anxiety level goes down.  The more I lifted others to God in prayer the focus was no longer on my and my struggles.  I felt my heart, mind and body become less tense.  I finally felt a little of that heavy heart lifting.  I finally listened for God and as expected He was there the whole time.  I'm still waiting to hear what God wants for me as far as my priorities with family, church, friends, work, etc, but I know He is there and He will answer when He is ready and when He thinks I am ready.  I have laid it at His feet and now I must leave it there and wait with great anticipation for God's guidance.

Lord God, I pray Father You will forgive me for not listening.  I ask Lord for forgiveness keeping myself too busy to hear You and not relying on Your guidance but resorting back to my own ways.  Lord I pray You will continue to remind me to "Be Still....and know You are God" Psalm 46:10.  Amen

Finding Strength in God

The past few days have been very emotional.  I have cried, prayed, laughed and loved.  Since my last post the beautiful woman I spoke about lost her battle with cancer.  She was an amazing woman of strength and courage.   My (step) brother's father also passed away yesterday.  As I arrived to be with my brother, I looked at his father and he was finally as peace. I also had a cousin to pass away yesterday as well.  He had been in the hospital since the day he was born 23 years ago.  If I step back and look at all of the death and struggles as the world would, it would be easy to get depressed and allow worry to creep in.  BUT I am grateful to God because I can see all of these deaths through His eyes and with His strength.  I was trying to explain to my daughter last night how God has heals in different ways.  As we live here on earth of course we want our loved ones to be fully healed and remain here with us but we have to remember God has healed them.  He has taken all of the pain and sickness from each one. He has given them new and improved bodies.  Now they celebrate in the presence of the Almighty Father!

I have been looking at new ways to grow my relationship with God and have been counting the many gifts God has blessed me with.  I am trying to start a new spiritual journal and hoping to get my daughter to start one as well.  I'm excited about that.  Also today I saw where Ann Voskamp has issued a "Joy Dare".  She has challenged us to start over for 2012 and count 1000 gifts from God.  You can post a picture or write it out.  So I have posted a new page to my blog to count my gifts in 2012.  I hope you will check it out and also check out her website at www.onethousandgifts.com. She has a great printable list for each day of the month.  If you take up the challenge I pray God will draw you closer to Him. 

Be Still.....

Today I am reminded just how precious our time with our family and friends truly is.  I am reminded to rely on God for strength and encouragement so that I can encourage and love others.

I visited a beautiful woman, mother and wife today as she struggles in the last hours of her life.  Surrounded by her family and friends, I gently say hello and goodbye at the same time and slip out of the door to allow privacy for the family.  She has fought a great battle against cancer with such grace, optimism and strength.  As I left the hospital room I fought hard to hold back the tears until I reached my car.  Tears of joy for her to be without pain but also tears of pain and sorrow for her husband and two kids. Oh Lord I pray You would rain peace upon that family.

I check on my (step) brother.  He's also watching a loved slowly pass.  His father's health has declined rapidly.  Now he is taking care of his father AND his family.  I can see the stress taking it's toll.  It makes my heart heavy knowing how much he is hurting.  Lord I lift him to you! I pray Father for Your strength to carry him.  I pray Your embrace will comfort him. 

A friend's grandmother has passed away as well, a new mother needing an organ transplant, a young man fights a battle with leukemia, a young girl recovering from being hit by a drunk driver, another family lost a beautiful daughter to a drunk driver as 3 other family members recover in the hospital.  Oh Lord, how they need you!  I pray Lord God, You will comfort these families.  Lord I pray You will continue to remind them of Your ever present love.  Lord God only You truly know what each person needs and I pray Lord you will gently touch each one just to let them know you are there. You are with them, You have never left them and never will. 

As I think of all that has occurred in the past few months it is easy to allow Satan to sneak in to try and plant doubts.  Again as I struggle with a heavy heart today for so many that are hurting, He takes me back to the one verse that brings true comfort...."Be Still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10.

Tonight I am going to sing praises to my Father above at praise team practice and enjoy my time with my family. Lord I love you!